Top 10 Rejected Names of the Ernie DiBella Memorial Matches
Richard Cote Memorial Matches--
We wanted to honor the only man who can eat a bowl of soup that is
balanced on his stomach. However, he is currently being honored as the
namesake of a tournament founded my "Miker" Rathbun. Therefore, we could
not have Mr. Cote.
Dr. Rodney Taylor Memorial Matches-
We approached Doc to be the namesake of the Matches, but he was in Rome at
the time sampling fine wines and cheeses. He did return our call by
leaving a three hour message on our voicemail. After 20 minutes, office
secretary, Mr. Mathias stopped listening, thus ending the possibility of
Doc having the Matches named for him.
David Storch Memorial Matches-
We were able to contact Mr. Storch about having the Matches named for him,
but he insisted that his ties w.r.t. Victor sports were too strong, and
refused the honor (as written by him in class every day, w.r.t.= with
respect to).
Mary Powell Memorial Matches-
Senorita Powell was considered for hosting, but after separating Mr.
Bielawa, Mr. Martin, Mr. Kleinman, and Mr. Paidy into four different
corners of a classroom, and still failing to get them to shut up, we
simply felt she didn't have the talent and competence required to have the
honor bestowed on her.
Tom DiGaetano Memorial Matches--
After answering all phone calls "222" we knew that "D" was not #1. His
efforts as a teacher and lessons like "It's a sin to throw away tin" and
"A U, give me my gold" were enthralling. However, 222 showed his to the
back seat.
Bayne Johnson Memorial Matches--
Due to his knowledge of Cruxy Quotes, Bayne was a solid candidate.
However, he was hunting when we tried to contact him, and never returned
our call.
Joel Menchel Memorial Matches-
Menchel was a tempting selection. We were impressed by his comment to Mr.
Martin and Mr. Bielawa, calling them the "biggest slackers I've ever had."
Trust me, we were impressed. However, Mench was currently having an
affair with Ms. Heather Jordan when we called, and we found that too
repulsive. This tournament needs integrity and honor, and after this
effort, Menchel lacked it.
Jerry J. Sollenne Memorial Matches--
The Sollenne Memorial was the runner-up. We were taken by his battle with
Mr. Mathias over the red Grand Prix. However, when it came down to it, we
thought the sun shining off his head would get in the eyes of players at
the Matches, and therefore, his presence as a spectator would not work.
Elizabeth Konar Memorial Matches--
Ha Ha..NO
David Kleinman Memorial Matches
Nope, undisputed gayness is not tolerable in the Matches. If a fight had
been waged from a previous email, we may have determined that Mr. Kleinman
was straight. However, since he did not seem to argue, we will assume
gayness.
